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Monthly Archives: August 2010

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Proposal: Orders of Zero

Z0 = The number of negative natural numbers

Z1 = The number of negatively balanced chemical trigonometry lifeforms in space

Z2 = The number of ways to politely say “Listen, I’m sorry I murdered your family.”

Z3 = The number of possible universes where Scott Pilgrim and Ramona flowers stay together.

GO TEAM KNIVES!

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God of the Gaps: PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER … itty bitty living space

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Everyone tell all your friends about this comic and make Spam Spam spam. Be sure to call it by name, too, to make Spam Spam spam spam. And friends, check your email at breakfast, so you get Spam Spam spam spam, sausage, and spam.

Vikings? What Vikings?

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“God dammit, if I can’t use my scan visor, he sure as hell can’t use that Detective Mode bullshit!”

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Let’s Play Bible Su Doku!

Rules: Fill every square with a number from 1-9. Your solution must be supported by scripture

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This is Lord Fuzzybutt. He may not know everything, but what he lacks in expertise he makes up for in panache.

Transcript:

Despite a 0% success rate, many nerds’ only social strategy is to imagine every possible way a situation could go, then choose the best one. The problem is, the best solution is usually unimaginable, and often unimaginably beautiful.

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1. Find something you don’t understand.

2. Do your best to understand it. Note: This will drive you mad.

3. Before you finish, stop and figure out how to explain what you now know.

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Many tales are told about the land beyond the wall. Only one thing is certain: Travel outside is DANGEROUS.

Reality:

  • Warning sign – HEED IT!
  • Sun is shining
  • Everyone is happy
  • Holes in the wall are known as ideas and are best avoided

Madness:

  • For defensive purposes
  • Why is it always night out here?
  • This is the last person who tried to leave
  • Land mine, no doubt planted by one of those madmen who live out here
  • Kept together primarily by social bonds. If you leave, it will break.

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Ellen Page:

  • Wears roller skates when she tramples people
  • Is a Kurt Vonnegut fan
  • Always seems to be thinking
  • Will someday become very famous for her portrayal of a femme fatale
  • Is pro-choice
  • Is known to somnambulize – to somnambu- somnitr-somnr- sleepwalk.

Ponyta:

  • Always has a serious expression – as if concerned about being taken seriously
  • Has hooves that are harder than diamond
  • Has never kissed a Magikarp, nor received an award for doing so
  • Is on fire

Both:

  • Manage to piss off a certain variety of macho dork by being both feminine and awesome rather than cute as their kind is “supposed” to be
  • Have yet to evolve into their wild, unpredictable final form

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  1. Find an artist whose work you admire.
  2. Kidnap him/her, and lock them in your basement. Don’t forget to leave a computer! And food!
  3. Wait. No, longer. Longer… I don’t know why you keep asking. It won’t go any faster.